So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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