I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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