her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This is my gift to your gina
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
