i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
