My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
