someone get that fucking seahorse.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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