If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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