he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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