Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
