Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
