also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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