Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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