She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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