I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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