So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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