just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
