i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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