You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
