Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
