Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
