Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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