The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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