the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
