they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
