How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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