I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
