you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
