I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
