if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
