I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
