either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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