My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
