He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
