i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
