I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
