You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
