oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
