My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
