i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
