FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
