I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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