I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
