so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How does it feel to date your dad?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
