i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
