My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
