i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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