You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
