On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
