dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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