that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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